Laura Chapman Writes

After four children there are two things about parenting I absolutely detest.  One is teaching kids to drive. The other is potty training.

Because I endured unspeakable anxiety from the passenger seat during road test practice sessions for two of my kids, I solved this issue the third time by finding a driving instructor. This allowed me to happily write checks instead of being forced to sit through the white knuckle sessions myself. 

Seriously, one of the BEST parenting decisions ever made!

But there was no expert I could pay to get my kids on the road to being diaper-free.

Potty training my first child was relatively easy (although I hated every moment). It helped that I was especially motivated by the impending birth of another baby to NOT have two kids in diapers. I actually bought a book about potty training in just one day and followed it to the letter. The results were so impressive I immediately patted myself on the back. Surely her success was due to my parenting skills and had nothing to do with my first born’s natural respect for authority and propensity to please.

Clearly, I was AWESOME at potty training.

But her sister quickly showed me I had as little to do with the desired result as blowing on a forest fire.

I tried EVERYTHING.

Stickers were useless and the pretty jar of M&M’s I placed in a prominent place was practically ignored. Even the promise of a Mermaid Barbie didn’t motivate her.  I decided maybe she just wasn’t ready yet, so the whole process was stopped and started again multiple times while I waited for her to finally–hopefully, get with the program.

Three and a half years old and still in diapers when her sister was fully trained before two?  How could I have failed so miserably?

I’ll never forget the day I completely lost it and ran screaming out of the house and down the street, after she had yet another accident; leaving my poor husband behind to reassure a terrified, sweet little girl that Mommy really did still love her. All exaggeration aside, that was the day she finally got it and figured out I wasn’t kidding about trading in her diapers for big girl panties. It was her last accident.  But it wasn’t my proudest moment.

My son must have potty trained himself because I honestly have zero recollection of how he made that transition. To hear him say it, clearly his brilliance overcame my incompetence, but whether it was that or simply repressed memories, I didn’t care.  I was DONE potty training.

Forever!

Not so fast…

Twenty seven years after my first born, I was faced again with my most dreaded task.

I gave myself a nice “You can do it!” pep talk and hesitantly dusted the cobwebs off my skills. Once again, stickers, M&Ms and even target shooting at Cheerios showed absolutely no promise. Preschool was looming on the horizon and potty training was a requirement.

I was getting desparate.

My husband, the car guy, had a brilliant idea I initially shot down.  He suggested his Mini-Me might respond to Hot Wheels as a reward. Really? Give a toy as a reward for EVERY successful trip to the bathroom?  I doubted there was enough room in his toy bin for MORE cars, not to mention the COST. But several failed weeks later I revisited his suggestion and checked out eBay to see if it was possible to purchase a huge lot of Hot Wheels at a reduced price.

It was.

I quickly did the math and decided thirty cents each was cheap enough to give it a try and ordered the 100 car lot. I would have gladly paid Potty-Training for Hire if there was such a thing that much in a heartbeat, so it seemed a fair trade.

What followed was nothing short of a miracle. The right motivation made all the difference. Suddenly learning to be a big boy wasn’t something to dread anymore and success was achieved in plenty of time to meet the Pre-School deadline.

Whew!

The irony of the connection between my two most dreaded parenting tasks and cars isn’t lost on me but I don’t really care. Because I can still hire someone when learning to drive becomes an issue again.

And obviously, I AM still awesome at potty training!

Please share your stories in the comments section below!